|
1. Recognize that you are/were abused. (recognize it for what it is and don't minimize it.)
|
|
2. Remind yourself that the worse is over (if after abuse --- remove yourself from abuse by telling someone/if still being abused. --- get grounded---you can get away.)
|
|
3. Share the SECRET!!! BRING THE EVENT OUT OF DARKNESS AND INTO THE LIGHT.
|
|
4. Realize that the perpetrator is a perpetrator, a criminal, not a sick person that needs help, not a victim. He/She made choices that were his/hers alone to make. Do not take the responsibility from their shoulders.
|
|
5. Know your actions were appropriate---The abuse was not!!!
|
|
6. Find a trustworthy therapist or a very good friend to talk to.
|
|
7. Find support/ let your loved ones know what you are going through... even if you need to be left alone.
|
|
8. Educate yourself...Read and learn that you are not alone and that there is much growing in knowing you are not alone and in learning about what happened to you.
|
|
9. Allow yourself to feel YOUR EMOTIONS the pain.
|
|
A - sadness/mourn
|
|
B - anger/let out the terror, rage, hurt, and or panic (without letting it consume you.)
|
|
C - flashbacks
|
|
10. Breath - when you breath deeply it helps the panic go away or lessen or when you feel overwhelmed walk in place gently stomping your feet. Take time to recover/Take a break...
|
|
11. Honor your experience HONOR YOURSELF AS A SURVIVOR ---Appreciate yourself for having survived the horrible crime.
|
|
12. Be patient! Let it come slow, it takes time...IT SHOULD...
|
|
13. Know you are not crazy, You are healing.
|
|
14. Realize you were a victim you are not a bad person---You are a survivor---You lived.
|
|
15. Recognize your own Feelings.... Allow yourself to feel any and all emotions.
|
|
16. Recognize the fact that the physiological act itself sometimes stimulates pleasure---Don’t feel guilt for your memories of that pleasure. You did not make the choices that lead to that experience the perpetrator did and he should feel the guilt not you. If pleasure was felt that is natural, come to terms with it and try to overcome any guilt you may associate with it. Try to forgive yourself if that is what you feel you need to do.
|
|
17. Learn to trust your perceptions---understand what you desire from relationships.
|
|
18. Find out who you really are. Develop a sense of self.... allow self-esteem to increase.
|
|
19. Identify where and when and with whom you feel comfortable. Let those answers be your guidelines… Find boundaries/what are you comfortable with.
|
|
20. Know that your actions are your responsibility here and now and in the future, you can make choices and good ones.
|
|
21. You have a choice to or not to confront the perpetrator(s)
|
|
22. Give yourself the gift of your own intimacy, making your chosen partner a security guard with you of your vulnerabilities. Allow yourself to enjoy intimacy.
|
|
23. Feel free to speak about abuse...(not necessarily details, unless
you feel it is appropriate.)
|
|
24. Realize you have a choice to forgive the perpetrator or
not....Forgive yourself.
|
|
25. Do not live in the past, live in the present, and look forward or
have hope for a better future, but realize it will not always be a perfect future.
|
|
26. Educate yourself...Read and learn that you are not alone and that there is much growing in knowing you are not alone and in learning about what happened to you.
|
|
27. Write your life story down.
|
|
28. Gain strength so you can help others. Healing often comes by helping other survivors.
|
|
29. Set personal healthy change goals, specific yet simple that can lead you step by step to the life you CHOSE to live (not the one a villain imposed upon you).
|
|
30. Read, watch, listen, and study what others have done to heal. "Thou lift me and I'll lift thee and together we'll ascend."
|
Special thanks to Ron Hammond and Marsha Miskin. Updated March 17, 2005.
|